I had a phone call from my bank this morning, the spotty little number cruncher, (…no I’ve never seen him but I could tell), asked me if there was anything he could do to help! Well it’s obviously one of those synchronicities I love so much because today Gordon Brown said that he’s going to liberate over ??3billion for the war effort. Now that works out to be ??50 per person in this pikey little island of ours.

So all the lovely profits I virtually made from the Haliburton investments just prior to the start of this great adventure have virtually been dashed, (darn it!). Well I guess I can’t blame Gordon, clearly it’s all Al-Jazeera’s fault. I mean just ‘cos they get booted out of the NY Stock Exchange did that mean they had to show all those pictures of collaterally damaged Iraqi children with their brains uraniumally depleted. And running that ‘Meet the POW’ reality TV show of theirs didn’t win them any Oscars I can tell you, or get them back onto the NY Stock exchange. I hear that the double de-capitated cappucino is particularly good in the embed coffee shop there.

Anyway, I asked my spotty little banker if he’d lend me some money for an Arab language cable news subscription – he hung up.