Tea Dude

[Photo by Philippe Tarbouriech and part of his bangladesh flickr set.
Released under a Creative Commons License]
hum drum brum drum

[Photo by Philippe Tarbouriech and part of his bangladesh flickr set.
Released under a Creative Commons License]
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This pitiful scene looks like the latest recorded incidence of the evil handiwork of the ‘Streatham Strangler’.
As reported on these pages, he has been known to attack innocent kids’ toys and then, this sick twisted monster, leaves the lifeless corpses in bin bags on the mean (and getting meaner) streets of Streatham.
To date, he is suspected of having done away with Tinky Winky, Noddy (whose remains are yet to be found) and how many others — we can only guess at.
Who will be next?
You know how it is, you go years without seeing children’s television characters in the streets of South London and then there’s two of them show up in as many weeks.
The other day, I was walking down the High Street minding my own business, when all of a sudden, who should I see on the pavement but none other than Noddy. I kid you not. Toytown’s own Jenson Button lying face down just in front of a kebab shop. Have to admit, it’s a position that I’m not altogether unfamiliar with but it’s still shocking when you see it occuring in the middle of the day.
Now, at this stage I would love to point you to a picture but I can’t. I know, I know — what’s the use of walking around with a flipping camera phone if you don’t use it but I didn’t get a chance. He had disappeared!
No, I hadn’t been at the old grape juice nor had I inhaled the fumes of anything vaguely resembling oregano. Noddy had just vanished!
Picture the scene — I’m standing there, Noddy’s on the pavement, it’s broad daylight. I whip out my camera phone, happy in the knowledge that I’m about to reveal some shocking, hitherto unreported, “Children’s TV character in drunken kebab shop brawl” occurance to the world via the internet. I point the camera at Noddy — the image is too small (he was only a small Noddy) — what to do? Should I crouch down and take the image? No, can’t do that — nearby was a 133 from Tooting full of people just staring at me. I decide to wait — pretend to be texting someone. I look up — the bus is still there — damn those Tooting nosey-parkers. I turn around and walk a little way still pretending to be texting. At last the bus moves away. Hurray! I turn back and … HE’S GONE!
I was in a state of shock — had he got up and walked away? Had Big Ears come looking for him and helped him back to their batchelors’ pad? I just didn’t know.
It’s just possible that someone passed me in the few seconds I had my back turned and then picked up Noddy’s prone figure but what I want to know is what did they do with the him? I suspect poor Noddy’s little legs are at this moment sticking forlornly out of the bottom of a bin bag somewhere in Streatham.
It has to be asked — is this just coincidence or has a crazed toy serial killer been loosed upon the streets of London??
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Tinky Winky finally gave in to the feeling that something was wrong. Some years ago now he finally had the sex change operation we had all been expecting. No more ???????bye bye Tinky Winky????????, but ???????eh oh Barbara????????. The other Teletubbies then shunned Barbara, which was very demoralising for her. Last we heard was that she had started smoking and was working in a Cafe in Shepherds Bush.
is what, according to permanent tangent.
I’m sorry to report that things have taken a turn for the worse still, as evidenced by this sad picture taken last Saturday on a street in Streatham. (*SIGH*)
Meanwhile, back in the mother & father land …
A man came out of a parcel container, a steel trunk, three hours after the sender handed it over to a courier service at Zindabazar in Sylhet Wednesday night.
Employees of the courier service, SA Paribahan, at Zindabazar said one Amzad Hossain handed over the 7.5 feet by 2.5 feet trunk at 7:00pm for sending it to one Abdul Hai at Moulvibazar through parcel service.
When the courier service staff were preparing to load the trunk on a covered van at about 10:00pm, suddenly a man came out of it opening its cover. He 26-year-old identified himself as Abdul Hannan, a former employee of SA Paribahan…
so begins a report from the Sylhet correspondent of The Daily Star
It’s a good job my home-boy Abdul wasn’t up to his shananigans in the UK as, according to “The most famous name in philately”, the cost of 1st class postage has just gone up to 30 pence here … now there’s a real crime.
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I was just wondering along the mean streets of South London, taking care of business, when my attention was drawn to a figure resting on the balcony of a building just off Streatham High Street. I peered closely and was all shook up to realise that it was none other than “The King” himself.
Who would have thought that so many miles away from Digbeth High Street, Elvis should come to me in another vision.
I feel blessed.
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