1st Cut

Famous in my own Bedtime

If you live in the UK and happen to be watching ITV1 in the Carlton TV Central region this coming Thursday at about 11.30 pm then keep a look out for a bongo playing, maracas waving Assistant Producer on “CHAINS WHIPS ‘N’ RUBBER TIPS” – (produced by Nicky Smith, Directed by Jacqueline D. Smith) and a Production Assistant with a nifty line in feathery headresses on “PEOPLE TO CONTACT WHEN YOU’RE DEAD IN THE MIDLANDS ” – (produced by Nick Simpson, Directed by Matt Cope).

The first batch of the Carlton TV/Screen WM First Cut 2003 documentaries are being shown then and I’m crowing as loudly as I can about them … so there!

The Telephone Preference Service

“Hello! My name is Joe and I’m calling you on behalf of Your Privacy Ltd., is now a convenient time for you to talk?”

“That’s Great!”

“I’m calling you today because I’m in a position to offer you a unique service whereby you’ll never have to hear from me or my kind again. I’m sure you’ll agree that would be a good thing wouldn’t it?”

“That’s Great!”

“All you have to do is have some details ready and we can start the ball rolling right now with very little inconvenience to you — Do you know what your telephone number is?”

“That’s Great!”

“Just let the TPS have it and you’ll be living in a ‘Cold Call’ free environment in no time at all. What’s TPS? — I’m glad you asked …”

The Telephone Preference Service (TPS) helps you to make sure your telephone number is no longer available to organisations who may telephone you with offers and information you do not wish to receive.

Under Government legislation introduced on 1 May 1999 It is unlawful to make unsolicited direct marketing calls to individuals who have indicated that they do not want to receive such calls.

You can either do this by contacting companies directly and asking them not to phone you or you can register with a central service (The Telephone Preference Service) to stop all such calls.

The term individual includes consumers at their residential address, sole traders and, except in Scotland, partnerships.

It is free to register with the service.

“… So can I assume you wish to register with the TPS today and do me out of a job?”

“That’s Great!”

The horror, the horror!

I had a dream last night — I’d woken up really late and instead of getting into the call centre at 11 am I had staggered in at 2 pm. In the dream, this resulted in instant dismissal but instead of sorrow I was filled with joy. Presumably because I hadn’t had to make the decision to actually leave.

But it had been a dream only, I had actually woken up and had got to work on time. There we were, a hundred or so mercenary souls crammed into the call centre. Like so many battery hens rolling out scripted eggs to the unfortunate householders. Why? Because at some distant past point in there lives they may have innocently filled in a magazine questionnaire thus sticking a secret ‘please disturb me’ sign upon themselves for the rest of eternity.

Suddenly I got a sale and then another. Perfectly sane and intelligent people had listened to what I’d half heartedly regurgitated and decided that they needed that which they hadn’t thought they’d needed but moments previously. By the end of the day I’d made six.

I really don’t get it; I was selling things. More disturbingly, I was enjoying it.

I’m feeling less like a character from ‘Glengary Glenross’ and more like one from ‘The Heart of Darkness’.

Forget Cannes!

Hey, if I was in Dhaka right now, I could have been at the 8th Dhaka International Film Festival which is running at a couple of venues there.

Alas, I’m not! … but If I was then I would have had a choice of mostly Eastern European and Scandinavian movies as well as a few from India but for some reason a disproportionate number of movies from Switzerland!