One of the side-effects of my traipsing up and down anonymous estates in middle-income Coventry was that I got to breath in a lot of cold but fresh air (well almost fresh).

This resulted this week, in the deepest sleep I’ve had in ages. Now I’m not someone who has problems sleeping anyway, infact quite the opposite — sleeping is amongst some of my favourite activities whilst in a horizontal position and indeed the one I’m most successful at on a regular basis. So it came as a bit of a shock to me, on Thursday after my first full day out on the streets, to find myself asleep on my nose.

Even more shocking was that it occured whilst I was wrapping myself up in swathes of nostalgic anoraks during Ch4′s ‘Top Ten Sci Fi’ programme. The venerable Tom Baker was waxing lyrical about ‘Space 1999′, ‘Saphire & Steel’ and other equally fantasic rubbish from my childhood. So, given my predeliction for all things nerdish I should not only have been awake till the end but should have been recording it on VHS for later transfer to DVD, which I would have buried in a Titanium container along with a DVD Player, which would then be burried at the bottom of the garden with a ‘Do Not Open till the very Far Far Future Mr Martian Paleantologist’ sticker written on it … in binary code. But as I said, I fell asleep on my nose.

Maybe to keep awake I should have been reflecting upon the 15 doorslams I’d received during that day, or the 20 no answers or the 14 refusals to pledge? Perhaps even upon the 3 remarkable individuals who decided that they would donate money to a charity they’d never heard of via a direct debit mandate which required them to give out their account details to a slightly nervous bloke who came knocking on their door. I mean, would you? I know I wouldn’t — well I suppose I wouldn’t have in the past but now I might be willing to listen at least. What struck me as poignant was that two of them were care workers of some kind – one a security guard at a hospital and another a Fillipino ‘guest worker’ nurse. Neither had BMW’s parked outside their homes if you know what I mean. I wonder whether through me, the charity was exploiting so called ‘soft touches’ or is there a rare type of person who just cares and gives when the opportunity arises. I think my cynicism is undergoing some sort of transformation. As indeed is my nose.

Denzil Washington and Ethan Hawke starred in a movie released in 2001 where Hawke’s character was a rookie undercover cop being taken out on his ‘training day’ by the charming but ultra cynical and terminally corrupt veteren officer as brilliantly played by Washington.

Now apart from the fact that yesterday was my ‘training day’ there’s really very little similarity between Hawke’s experience and mine upon our respective first days out on the mean streets. For a start his was a hollywood day out on the sunny streets of LA and mine was a clueless evening out on the darkly dank streets of Coventry.

Perhaps I should have started this by mentioning that I’ve got a new job. Actually, it’s a job I had landed through a temping agency which should see me through a month or so while I work out how to (select one from the following: get a proper job/rob a bank/win the lottery/marry kylie).

So, the temping agency bloke starts by saying “We’ve got a role for you … it’s not quite office work”
“Hey that sounds good, what is it?” I asked enthusiastically looking forward to a few days working as a mattress tester at Slumberland or mango fruit-picker in the Seychelles
“Well it’s as a fundraiser for a charity”
“… !”
“It’s almost a quid an hour above the minimum wage”, Mr temping agency added hopefully
“Hmmmm … interesting”, I say uninterestedly, “as long as it’s not ‘cold-calling’ I guess I could give it a go”
“Oh no problem and besides they’ll give you training for which you’ll get paid — what about that hey? — paid training!”

Well, yesterday was that training day and guess what? Yep! it’s door to door ‘cold calling’ trying to convince snugly warm middle-englanders that they should be giving out their bank details to a complete stranger with an incomplete grasp of what the charities he claims to represent actually do.

Lucky for me, I was paired up with a veteren fundraiser. The team leader told me that this guy, a recent graduate of Warwick Uni, was very good and had a very effective ‘pitch’ and that I would do well to observe and pick up pointers from his finely honed patter. He had been doing it for nearly three (yes count them – three) whole months.

Well, I have to say that while not quite in Denzil Washington’s class he was a cool performer nonetheless. But in another way he is exactly the same — he’s not going to be around for Day 2 … he’s left the job!

Well, if anyone wants to run a sweepstakes on how long I’m going to last then you can put me down for three weeks.