So what am I doing on this Typical Bank Holiday Monday, basking in the holiday sun … don’t make me larf – watching professional film makers ply their trade and make short movie magic happen … If only! No I’m in the production office phoning around looking for 4 amp super miniture fuse’s or at least some fuse wire.

It’s a component for a Genio … a whatio? … a Genio. apparantly it’s a gubbins that sits on the end of a thingy and makes the stedicam do stuff. Well it’s past 5.00pm on a Bank Holiday Monday and any remote chance that there may have been for finding a 4 Amp rated fuse wire has diminished to nothing now.

But I wouldn’t want you to get the impression that things aren’t going well – yesterday was amazing we started and finished as described on the packet, (the call sheet to be precise), and then in the evening we were treated to the company of ‘The Dex’ at the Santa Fe restaurant in the Mailbox. Unfortunately, I was a little bit late so I ended up in the seat most furthest away from Dex, (that was cos I was having to retrieve the battery charger for the accursed Genio!). It didn’t matter too much, the company on the non Dex end was great anyway.

Though, occaissionally, I managed to catch a snippet of the conversation that The Dex was regaling the blessed end of the table with ” … Mel Gibson bust his …. blah blah blah …. it was the size of a melon the dext day!…” So apart from the initial warm greeting he gave me I said nothing to him, nor him to me apart from one passing exchange about the weather the next day, (today), –

ME: “Oh yeah, it’s going to be sunny, glorious shiny weather” … (and it was supposed to be – The BBC had said so! )
DEX: “Are you sure about that Joe?”
ME: “Yeah sure, no problem”
DEX: “Can you guarantee that?
ME: (With much hot air filled smuggness) “Of Course!”
DEX: “You’re a brave man…”

The next day – It rained… (I blame the Genio)

YeeeHaaaa!

It’s been an amazing couple of months really, this Digital Shorts trainee scheme – I’m sure I’ve learnt more about film production in those weeks than I could have on a entire degree course – which suits me fine given my uncanny ability to fail at any academic endevour I don’t put my errant mind to.

It’s the last week and the pace has really picked up – after today I guess the bulk of my duties will be over … (who am I kidding!!)

Well whatever happens, it’ll be over in six days time but this time next week I’ll be on a train upto Yorkshire for a long weekend break with my ‘bredren’ hiking through the hills and dales and perhaps at last I’ll get a piece of this fantastic summer the rest of Britain is enjoying.

I always reckoned myself as someone who can stay cool, in an uncool sort of way, in the face of popular trends. Latest weird fashions? … don’t care! … greatest pop group since the last greatest pop group? … couldn’t give a monkeys! … weird antipodean intonations at the end of spoken sentences that make every statement sound like a question? … not for this Joe!

But yesterday proved to me that I was completely wrong about myself.

I got into the office and busied myself with stapling and shuffling paper and staring blankly at the computer screen as per usual when one of the other office people intercepted a call; it was from “Dex” and it was for me.

I was still under the false belief that I was cool – that I treated celebrity in the same irreverent manner, (at least in my mind), as Avid Merrion does in Channel 4′s ‘Bo Selecta’. I spoke with nonchalance to the star of ‘Gamesmaster’, (well remembered by Bushra) … dammit! I was ‘Kool and the Gang’ with the guy.

I sat back at my desk basking in the reflection of the light shining out of my bottom … “Dex” had called me Joe and I had sorted out a minor problem for the man without fuss or bother … or so I thought.

Discreetly and a little later on, it was pointed out to me that not only had I been on my feet while I was talking to Mr. Fletcher but that I was bowing over the phone and had actually finished a sentence with a barely stifled “… thank you Dexter, sir”!!!

Andy, the writer of ‘Year 6′, suggested that I refrain from wringing my cloth cap and make a special attempt not to curtsy if I’m ever, ever allowed into the “Dex”‘s presence.

Dexter Fletcher!

There you are! – The first bit of ‘luvvieness’ with which to inaugerate a new category on Bongo Vongo. Now if you’re a bloke I’ll list ‘Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels’ and ‘Band of Brothers’, if you’re an uber-filmbuff then I’ll say ‘Caravaggio’ and for the ladies I’ll just mention ‘Press Gang’. (I’ll have to count myself as one of the girls in this case but in my defence, I’ll say that it has as much to do with Julia Sawalha as it might have to do with the aforementioned Mr. Fletcher).

What the hell am I talking about?

As I’ve mentioned, I’m currently working on a Screen West Midlands/Film Council funded Digital Short film as a member of a Production Team. It sounds almost glamorous but is actually a lot of bloody hard work and not an insignificant amount of stress. Anyway, we’ve just cast the lead role in this 10 minute short film and it’s … well, you can guess.

I’ll be adding, retrospectively, other ‘luvvie’ type blogs I may have belted out in the past and thus collect together the desperate chronicles of my various attempts to accidentally break into the ‘meeja’ industry. (That’ll be the kiss of death on that career then!)